Thursday, May 21, 2009

You have GOT to be kidding me!!!

You know, sometimes things happen for a reason. And then other times, things happen completely randomly and you sit there thinking, are you SERIOUS with this bullshit???

So there I was, a couple of months ago, getting blood drawn to run yet another battery of tests to determine what the problem with me is. At this point, for the first time in my adult life, I hadn't had a period for three months (of course it happened to come back three days after the damn blood test, thank you very much for this incredibly fortuitous timing), so I was beginning to, well, sort of FREAK OUT. My doctor was cautiously approaching the subject of premature menopause (interestingly enough, I think I may have had an out-of-body experience right about the time he said that because I thought, there is no way in hell you are telling me that I don't even get a CHANCE at this while Trailer Trash Barbie over there just popped out Babie #5, aptly named for some D-type celebrity she can't get enough of from the National Enquirer). Resentful, me? Never.

So what seems like an eternity later, the blood tests come back and confuse everyone - especially me, since, believe it or not, the finer points of my menstrual cycle with all the fluctuating hormones, phases etc, has never been of particular fascination to me (read: I may have been daydreaming about something or someone during that particular biology class). What became clear, though, is that my cycle is all jacked up, I'm not ovulating when I'm supposed to or - get this - it may just have been an abberration. EXCUSE ME?? Did I mention we stopped using ANY form of birth control over HALF A DECADE AGO?????


Well, so the next step was a referral to a specialist, which isn't for another 2 1/2 I'm stuck playing the waiting game again. The irony is that my doctor speculated that, perhaps, I may have some problems with my pituitary gland - waaaaaaaaait a minute, where did I hear that before? AHHHH, yes, the very same problem my husband has. What were the odds of that happening, I wonder??

If I'd known this was going to be such heartbreaking, backbreaking work, I sure as hell wouldn't have wasted so much money on contraceptives for years. JEEEEEZ!

(and to add insult to injury, this blog post went on to rant for at least another 500 words +, but of course it got lost in translation, aka the stupid website froze and only saved HALF my damn post. )